Let it take hold of your fingers
And let skin seep in the finery
And as your bones all crackle
Your palms all of lines will change
Let it take hold of your fingers And let skin seep in the finery And as your bones all crackle Your palms all of lines will change |
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~
Big poetry night. |
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Let it take hold of your fingers
And let skin seep in the finery
And as your bones all crackle
Your palms all of lines will change
i like the first line a lot, brings the poem alive. the second line, i think soak would be a better word compared to seep, unless you rework the structure. for the third line i think the all would be better placed before the "your" and for fourth, i think its missing a comma after palms, and a "the" before the "lines". on the other hand, i think to keep the tone concise, i would write it as "The lines of your palms will change"
i love the imagery and congrats on the DLD!
--
--make me feel something out of this junkyard world
You.
You're fucking shitting me.
Right?
Seep is a much sharper word in my opinion.
I must have picked it up somewhere but messing with the grammatical in a way like I did with "your" and "all"...I don't know, I kind of like it.
There definitely should be a comma there.
In regards to the last line, it comes out in a very manner-of-fact sort of way, which was intended. For that reason, it breaks the feel, but in a way I hoped to be more unsettling and unnerving than anything.
Thank you very, very much, I'm still very much mouth-agape on the whole thing.
I enjoy the sharpness and personal nature of the poem.
It's concise but has so much to it.
--
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
-Robert Frost
Big things come in sma-
Yeah, I like it too.
Thanks.
but i suppose the ungrammatical feel works for this one, so congrats haha!
--
--make me feel something out of this junkyard world
Ahaha, thank you.
--
The world is an eraser for these words
- Jack Kerouac
we must destroy that which contains us
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